10 Favorite Christmas Music Performances

This meme originates at The Shelf, and made its way to me via Retro Hound (who hates the word "meme" at least as much as I do).  I decided to participate in this one for two reasons (1) it's not just Christmas songs, but rather performances, which I thought was an interesting twist, and (2) because Retro Hound operates one of my favorite retro sites in the blogosphere (another word I hate), so I'm all over it.

10. "Silent Night" by Claudine Longet and Andy Williams

You may recall from an earlier post on Claudine Longet that Andy Williams discovered her stranded on the side of the road in Vegas.  He fell in love with this unknown dancer and it wasn't long before her career took off in television, movies and the music business. They were well connected with the Kennedy's (Bobby being a close family friend) and things couldn't be happier.

By 1970, however, the couple split up and Claudine moved in with the famous Olympic skier, "Spider" Sabich. The relationship became tumultuous and in 1975 Claudine shot her husbund in the stomach, killing him.  She only spent 30 days in jail.....

So, why do I love this performance? It gives me a very strange feeling, knowing what was to come just a few years later.  One day a sweet wholesome moment before the violence.

9. "Merry Christmas, Darling" by The Carpenters

Another bittersweet Christmas song.  The tune was originally recorded when Karen was only 20 years old, her future certainly looked bright in 1970, but there was always a hint of sadness in everything she sang. This performance was taped 8 years after the original recording - she would die from complications of anorexia in 1983.  (Sorry if I'm bringing the room down - I'll try to make the next one peppy.)

8. "Happy Life Day" by Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher)

Life Day is the Star Wars Universe's answer to Christmas. It was featured in the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special of 1978.



Note: One reason you rarely see embedded YouTube videos on Retrospace is that they are so unstable. They're removed all the time due to some greedy bastard getting mad about not getting his royalties.  Very likely this video will soon be deleted if George Lucas'  bounty hunters legal team gets wind of this.

7. "White Christmas" by The New Dada

The New Dada were an Italian band which opened for The Beatles during their tours of Italy. Their version of White Christmas presented here is short but sweet. They have that shit kicking mod 'tude in full effect and somehow take a Bing Crosby classic and warp it into something Mick Jagger-esque.  The icing on the cake is that it ends with a few words by Sophia Loren.




6. The Christmas Scene in Tommy by Oliver Reed and Ann-Margret

It's not so much the song that I like, it's the bizarre fusion of Christmas with The Who, of having Ann-Margret and Oliver Reed singing Who songs at a Christmas party.  Unfortunately, the song absolutely sucks. I had to listen to Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" just to get it out of my head.



5. "I Believe in Father Christmas" by Greg Lake

A founding member of King Crimson and Emerson, Lake & Palmer preaching against the commercialization of the holiday - incredible, to say the least. But it's not just the song that's great, the video performance in Jordan with images of Vietnam is pretty hard hitting. Lake was a talented and intelligent musician if there ever was one - he would throw up at my choice for number one on this list.



4. "O Come All Ye Faithfull" by Carol Brady (Florence Henderson)

I love good ol' fashioned Christmas songs and I love Mrs. MILF Brady - they go together like peanut butter and jelly. A very heartwarming moment on The Brady Bunch that I hope you are not too cynical to enjoy. You go, Mrs. Brady!




3. "Merry Xmas Everybody" by Slade


Utterly brilliant song by an utterly brilliant band. A glam rock Christmas classic by my main man, Noddy on Top of the Pops. For another great glam Xmas, I recommend Wizzard's "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday" or Mud's "Lonely this Christmas".



2. "Children of Peace" by Unit Gloria

From Utrecht, one of the oldest cities in the Netherlands, comes this wild piece of Christmas prog rock.  The clothes, the hair, the accent, the lyrics, the Teutonic "progishness".... what's not to love? In case you doubt this is actually a Christmas song, the B-Side to the single was "Silent Night" and "Ave Maria".



1. I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing - The Hillside Singers

This Christmas version of the unbelievably successful 1971 song brings back so many memories, my mind simply bursts with warm fuzzy thoughts of Christmases past.  Maybe it's sad that a commercial jingle would top my list, but my generation was raised on the commercialization of Christmas and so it seems only fitting.

Of course, this song transcends "jingle".  This was a hippie anthem - just listen to the lyrics: "I'd like to buy the world a home and furnish it with love. Grow apple trees and honey bees, and snow white turtle doves." The song hit a chord with the young generation.  Sure, it was by one of the world's largest corporations, but who cares? It's not just carbonated high fructose corn syrup, it's a commonality that binds us all in peaceful harmony. Merry Christmas!

Beauty and the Buffoon: Implausible TV Couples

Throughout the history of television, you could always count on one thing: an abundance of shows featuring a beautiful woman paired with some goofy schmuck. Time after time, plausibility is tossed out the window in favor of eye candy. The genesis of this whole tradition may be the Blondie TV series (which, of course, originated from the comic strip and then movies). Dagwood Bumstead was a bumbling idiot, and his wife was the definition of poise and beauty. Of course, this wasn't near as implausible as Barney Fife and Thelma Lou.


Then there’s Bewitched. Elizabeth Montgomery is an intelligent and incredibly beautiful woman. Plus she has magical powers that could grant your every wish. So, who does she choose as a mate? A neurotic moron who won’t let her do magic. He’s not even all that good at his job – Larry Tate is constantly threatening to have him fired. That is, until Samantha can save his incompetent ass once again.

The Flintstones and The Jetsons are also prime examples. Fred and George are overweight, ignorant, and extremely grouchy – prone to shouting at their ladies. Barney is short, fat, and a complete imbecile. And yet, their spouses are smart, level headed and drop dead gorgeous. Go figure.

Bob Newhart is a successful psychiatrist with a razor sharp dry wit; this adds tome bonus points with the ladies, I’m sure. But Suzanne Pleshette? Come on. Next you’re gonna tell me Bosley was makin’ it with all three Angels.

Perhaps the one I take most umbrage to is The Brady Brides. I'm sorry, but there is no way in hell that the perfect Marcia Brady married this slovenly doofus. Whoever created this show obviously never watched a single episode of The Brady Bunch. Marcia was a cheerleader, school president, miss popularity and all around overachiever... simply being in the same home amid this manic drive for perfection drove Jan to the very edge of sanity. Not to mention, Marcia was a total knockout - not the type to hook up with this lame cornball.

One of the most unbelievable examples would have to be Perfect Strangers. Explain to me how Larry and Balki, two of the goofiest individuals who ever lived, can be intimately involved with two hot blonde stewardesses? I mean, these guys make Shemp seem suave and handsome. To quote Balki: "Don't be ridiculous!" (Sorry. I couldn't resist.)

I think Seinfeld deserves a mention as well. Somehow a neurotic stand-up comedian manages to have one fashion model quality girl after another. I mean, this guy makes Sinatra and Warren Beatty look like lightweights!

The honor for the most absurd, completely unbelievable mismatch in the history of television would have to be Téa Leoni and Corey Parker in Flying Blind (1992-1993). There’s no possible way this match could have taken place – not even under the influence of large amounts of alcohol. If Flying Blind had been a science fiction program taking place on a remote corner of the galaxy where nerdy dumb-asses are considered attractive, then I might buy it.

I nearly included Doug and Emmy Jo from The New Zoo Revue as shining examples of a mismatched couple. Emmy Jo was a stone cold fox, while Doug was as nerdy as they come. (I dealt with this issue in detail in a previous post.) However, the couple was married in real life, and are happily married to this day! Hardly what I'd call a mismatch.

One of the reasons I like examining trends in movies and television is because of what it says about the culture surrounding it. So, what does this say about our American culture that gorgeous women are often paired with unattractive morons and the reverse is never the case? It's an interesting thought.

Vinyl Dynamite #13: Peppermint Trolley Company

Click here to view full size

The Peppermint Trolley Company were a little known California psychedelic band from the late sixties. They fit perfectly into the mold set by bands like The Strawberry Alarm Clock and other psychedelic bubblegum bands of the era. Unfortunately, the group never acheived any real chart success- "Bend Me, Shape Me" by the American Breed was the only chart topper produced by their record label, Acta.

"I've Got To Be Going" is the track I've ripped from the vinyl for you. If you dig this sort of thing, it's actually not too shabby. Most of the songs on the LP are typical psychedelic cheese - but there was definitely potential here. Had they released a few more albums, they might've turned into something.



Next is the video for "Trust" - another song on their one and only LP. Again, it's pretty good, but it lacks the contagious exuberance of songs like "Incense and Peppermint" and "Magical Mystery Tour".



Like so many psychedelic bands of the 60's, the Peppermint Trolley Company was a distant memory by the early 70's. Who wanted to listen to cheesy guys with fuzz guitars and frilly sleeves singing about "popsicle mountains fingerpainted upon the mind" when there were real artists like James Taylor singing about real things.

So, as quickly as they came, they were gone.... except for one little thing. Before their demise these guys did one thing that guaranteed them fame everlasting. Their records have been out of print for four decades and near impossible to find - yet most of you know one of their songs by heart - and I daresay have heard it hundreds of times.... prepare for your little world to be rocked... they sing the Brady Bunch theme song!!!



After the first few seasons, the Brady kids sang the theme song and the band was cast to the four winds. Alas, The Peppermint Trolly Company were no more.

This picture found here- a good place for Peppermint Trolly memoribilia.

10 Favorite TV Characters Meme

Wings at Caffeinated Joe has brought to my attention a simple meme that seems like it might be fun to try. It stems from Michael May's Adventure Blog and is simply this: List Your Top Ten TV Characters of All Time.

1. Fred Sanford (Sanford & Son)



If I have to explain why Fred G. Stanford tops this list, you and I simply can't hang out together anymore.

2. Jack Tripper (Three's Company)



As I've said before, Ritter was a physical comedy genius, and totally likeable. He could play the slapstick game, but had a lot more comedic skills in his arsenal. If Jack Tripper doesn't bring a smile to your face, you probably like death metal and hate your parents.

3. Marcia Brady (The Brady Bunch)



Fact: I was tempted to put all eight Bradys and Alice on this list, but that only left room for one from another show, so I refrained. It was a tough decision which Brady to choose, but you know Marcia always wins.... sorry, Jan.

4. Sam Weir (Freaks and Geeks)



So many great characters, but none were as close to my heart as the geek Sam Weir. We all went through an awkward phase at one time or another - Sam is the embodiment of this phase.

5. Steve Austin (The Six Million Dollar Man)



When this show finally comes out on DVD in USA format, expect this blog to shut down for a week. I will take off work and watch each and every episode continually for days without sleep until I black out.

6. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (Movie Macabre)



It's 1983 and it's late at night on a Saturday. You grab some cereal and turn on the TV and there's Elvira - is there anybody in the entire world you would rather see up on that screen? I didn't think so.

7. David Brent (The Office)



It's my humble opinion that Gervais invented an entirely new style of comedy with this character - or at least did it so well that it became popular. It's the kind of laugh where you're also cringing. Andy Kaufman relished making you feel awkward, but Gervais added a dose of realism and levity to the mix and came up with pure comedy gold.

8. Buck Rogers (Buck Rogers in the 25th Century)



Gil Gerard always bagged the babe, had the cool line, and saved the day in the nick of time. A confident ladies man, Buck never wasted an opportunity to remove his shirt exposing his thick chest mane. He's basically Burt Reynolds in the 25th Century.


9. Emmy Jo (The New Zoo Revue)



I wanted to include a TV character from my early childhood and nearly landed on a Sesame Street or Electric Company star (Easy Reader anyone?), but went with the lovely Emmy Jo. Those who don't remember her may want to check out my post Ode to Emmy Jo. Back in the day, she was quite a hit with the kindergarten/elementary school crowd - the talk at the sandbox and jungle gym. She deserves any shout out she gets these days.

10. Rick Marshall (Land of the Lost)



I've said this before, but I totally admire Spencer Milligan for playing this role with total sincerity. He made you believe it was all real, despite the cheap effects, plastic plants and Styrofoam rocks. The new Rick Marshall played by Will Farrell is a homage, but it's also a parody. In contrast, the original Land of the Lost was played completely straight and I am thankful for it.

There is no tagging in this meme, but I look forward to other blogger's picks. Let me know in the comments if you decide to do your own, so we can check it out.

Happy Earth Day from The Bradys

"Time to Change" by The Brady Bunch

Autumn turns to winter,
And winter turns to spring.
It doesn't go just for seasons you know,
It goes for everything.

The same is true for voices,
When boys begin to grow.
You gotta take a lesson from Mother Nature,
And if you do you'll know...

The 1970s: A Great Time to Be Named Barry

The 70s were a great time for Barrys indeed. Gibb, Manilow, Williams and White -there may be others that I'm leaving out, but these were the titans of Barry.

...just thought this needed to be said.

My Retro TV Home

upstairs found here

Not too long ago, Joe over at 70's child posted the Brady Bunch home floor plan. I have spent basically my entire life envisioning my days in the Brady abode, so this was quite a find.

Well, it got me trying to determine which TV home I'd most want to live in - not just for the layout, but also location and other amenities. I could easily just choose the mansions from Silver Spoons and The Beverly Hillbillies, but they don't appeal to me that much. Also, the large suburban home like on Bewitched and The Partridge Family is not a whole lot different than my own house, and thus not very exciting. So, with much deliberation here's my top five.

1. The Jetsons (floor plans found here)
The future was definitely fab. A circular home in a space-age sky rise with all the modern conveniences you could dream up. I'd have to remove Rosie the robot's battery, she drives me nuts. But, otherwise, this is the ultimate dream home.

2. Family Affair
Posh bachelor pad condo overlooking NYC complete with gentleman's manservant. Do I need to go on?

3. The Bob Newhart Show
Can't really explain it - but Bob's Chicago home calls my name. It certainly appeals to me more than his later Vermont Bed & Breakfast. I'm a sucker for the retro condo. The rustic side of me would go for the Little House on the Prairie home for a while, but would come crawling back to the urban sprawl in a matter of days.

4. The Brady Bunch
Who cares about the Jack & Jill bathroom (sans commode) shared between six kids. The maid quarters, step down study/den, cozy TV room with access to private backyard, nice CA neighborhood... it's no wonder the kids made the house look haunted to ward off buyers!

5. I Dream of Jeannie
Major Nelson was one lucky SOB: an astronaut living in a killer 1960's Coco Beach home with a sexy genie. It doesn't get much better than that.

Twisted Impressions

I'm sure many of you have seen these unintentionally hilarious comic book panels. To our modern, cynical, sardonic, sarcastic and jaded minds these are a riot!

I'm not going to attempt to explain that last one. You either get it or you don't. (swiped from RetroLife)

Now, let's see how your modern psychobabble steeped mind interprets one of the most famous Brady Bunch subplots (from the episode: "Today, I Am a Freshman").

Here's the breakdown:
Marcia is getting older and is now entering high school.
She invites many of her pretty and popular friends over to the house.
Peter erects a volcano which spews a foamy discharge all over the girls.

Freud would have a field day with this.

The Boob Tube #9: The Brady Bunch Variety Hour

Remember The Brady Bunch Variety Hour? I just watched it for the millionth time and can't get enough of its campy goodness. It's somehow wonderfully delightful and horrifyingly strange at the same time. Nothing on TV has ever exhibited this level of badness and still been good, if you get my meaning.

I'll spare you the history (that's what Wikipedia is for), and cut right to the weirdness...

I've always heard that Robert Reed was constantly battling with Sherwood Schwartz in order to bring realism and intelligence to The Brady Bunch. Obviously, Reed lost most of those battles, but with the Variety Show he apparently just said "screw it, let's boogie".

In the picture above, Mr. and Mrs. Brady are actually singing "Love to Love You Baby"! This is one of the most sexual songs to ever hit the radio (recall that Donna Summer moans and groans orgasmically in the song)... the show is just getting started and already I'm in The Twilight Zone.

Mike Brady tells a joke that falls flat, so Jan says,"Why can't I be dead?" out of embarrassment. To which Marcia smiles maniacally and says, "Yeah! Why can't Jan be dead!?!" To which I said "WTF?!" Marcia was always Miss Popularity, but wishing diabolically for Jan's death seems over-the-top even for the Variety Hour.

(Ahem. Greg, I think you missed a button.) Apparently, flannel was the rage in 1977 and Bobby seems to have grown up to be a Monchichi.

Can you count the 70s pop culture images and icons in this next scene? Let's see: (1) Donnie & Marie Osmond ride into a (2) roller rink on an (3) Evil Knievel motorcycle and meet up with (4) the Brady Bunch; Donnie's jacket says (5) "Fonzie" on the back, and... well, you get the point.

Holy shit! That's actually the Bradys dressed up like clowns for no reason and swimming and splashing around like idiots. I remember when I first saw this on a friend's bootleg VHS back in '92 - it was kind of grainy, the sound was warped a little, and this scene seemed horrifically surreal. There was something kind of haunting about it. Now that I watch it on DVD, the grainy snuff film quality is gone, but it's still pretty friggin' strange.

Good Lord! As if Aquatic Brady Clowns wasn't weird enough, we get Tony Randall as a psychotic leprechaun! This may be the strangest moment in TV history - it simply has to be seen to be believed. I triple dare you to make this image your desktop wallpaper.

Then for the finale we have Greg kickin' it Tom Jones style, and then the whole family (including Alice) dance to "The Hustle" and "(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty"!

I don't mean to sound like I'm criticizing the show; I relish every lovin' second of it. You can just tell that everyone on the show was having a good time, and the carefree vibe is contagious - you'll find yourself enjoying it in spite of your modern day cynical attitude.

The show's deep and abiding strangeness obviously stems from it being produced by Sid & Marty Kroft. But perhaps the oddest thing about The Brady Bunch Variety Hour isn't the Aquatic Brady Clowns or the Tony Randall Leprechaun or even Ann B. Davis doing The Hustle. No, it is something far more subtle... Egad! What's happened to Jan!?!

My Brady Bunch Novel Was Written by a Wild Playboy

I just read through a Brady Bunch novel from 1972 and, just for kicks, thought I'd look up the author, Jack Matcha, and see what other kind of work he'd done. I was surprised to learn that Matcha had quite an interesting (and often sleazy) career - not something I expected from an author of a Tiger Beat Publication!

I was surprised to learn that Matcha's early work was with 'Kozy Books', a publishing firm which specialised in pulp sleaze novels. His first Kozy Books novel was called The Love Seekers (1961). I wasn't able to find the cover to this particular book, but Kozy covers are everywhere... and hilariously bad.


My understanding is that Matcha published several sleazy novels under various pseudonyms like:
The Killer Came Naked under the pseudonym John Tanner.

and Ask for Lois under the pseudonym John Barclay.






During Matcha's tenure aboard the sleaze publishing express, I guess he teamed up with another pulp sleaze author Charles Fritch, who'd also written under pseudonyms like Christophyer Sly (ex. 7 Deadly Sinners). Together they started the successful Frimac publications (a combination of the first three letters in their last names; fri + mac) which published various genres of fiction, including porn under the their publication branch Carousel Books.



One good thing that came out of the Fritch-Matcha team up was the science fiction magazine, Gamma. Together with William F. Nolan (the guy behind Logan's Run) they produced this pretty experimental sci-fi mag which is highly regarded today. However, it made very little profit and subsequently didn't last long (1963–1965, 5 issues).

Perhaps Matcha's most successful work was A Rogue's Guide to Europe (1965) - a must-have for any pleasure seeking playboy bachelor of the sixties. Check out the book's ribald description:

"Dedicated to high life, libertines and the happiness of pursuit...a witty, hip, outrageous tour through the sin bins and hot spots of Europe. From nude women wrestling in mud to a stage show watched from a bathtub built for two, from Munich's telephone clubs (from table to table, bachelor to girl, with no limit on message units) to London's lively but lethal Soho, from the bare-flesh beaches of the Riviera (and the Ile du Levant where even a Bikini makes a girl overdressed) to the madhouse anything-goes merriment of Fasching-time in Munich, this is the first way-out, no-holds-barred guide to the wildest, warmest, girliest places in Europe."

Well, I'm not sure what ultimately became of Matcha. I know he continued to write sleaze under pseudonyms in the early seventies, and also wrote a couple more Brady Bunch novels. Otherwise, it seems he receded into anonymity. If anyone knows any more about this colorful author/publisher, please comment - or correct me where my so-called "research" has erred.

And one last thing.... I figured I'd scan the Brady Bunch Fan Club ad from the last page of the book. A record, stickers, signed photos, membership card and a book- not a bad deal for $2.00 plus shipping!

Christmas on TV

Bewitched: "Sisters at Heart" (1970)
Tabitha and a visiting friend of hers (who is black) wish they could be real-life sisters, so Tabitha wishes black polka-dots on herself, and white polka-dots on her friend. After everything gets cleared up, Samantha explains to Tabitha that they don't have to be the same color in order to be sisters. Note: This episode has been noted to be Elizabeth Montgomery's all-time favorite.

Happy Days: "Guess Who's Coming to Christmas" (1974)
Hey, who's that trimming the tree behind Mrs. C? That's the eldest Cunningham boy, Chuck played by Gavan O'Herlihy. He was written off the show in the second season. In this episode, the gang are looking forward to spending Christmas with their families, but Richie discovers that Fonzie will be spending his all alone. He convinces his father to invite the Fonz for Christmas, but will they be able to persuade proud Fonzie to accept the invitation?

Family Affair: "Christmas Came a Little Early" (1968)
The show takes a serious turn in this episode featuring future Brady Bunch costar Eve Plumb as Eve Bowers, a seriously ill classmate of six-year-old Buffy (Anissa Jones). In her typically naïve, well-meaning fashion, Buffy falsely raises Eve's hopes by claiming that her Uncle Bill (Brian Keith) will be able to find a doctor who can cure the girl. Ultimately resigned to the sad truth, Bill arranges for Eve to have the best "Early Christmas" party ever...knowing full well that she will probably not make it until Christmas.

Leave It to Beaver: "The Haircut"
This is the only episode related to a holiday (Christmas) in the entire series. In one scene, June sews Beaver's angel costume and, in the finale, Beaver sings a Christmas carol in a choir of angels at a school concert.

Barney Miller: "Christmas Story" (1976)
Fish goes undercover to catch a mugger who's targeting Santas. Wojo doesn't know how to tell Yemana that his Christmas Eve date is a call girl. Luger fishes for an Christmas Day invitation from Barney

Three's Company: "Three's Chirstmas" (1977)
After the roommates are not invited to a big Christmas party, they decide to go to a get together at the Ropers place.

The Brady Bunch: "The Voice of Christmas" (1969)
Just in time for the holidays, Carol develops laryngitis and may not be able to sing at Christmas services, prompting Cindy to ask a department store Santa for a miracle. Meanwhile, the older siblings decide that, given Carol's illness, Christmas should be postponed until she gets well, leading Alice to teach them the true meaning of Christmas.

Eight Is Enough: "Yes, Nicholas, There is a Santa Claus"
Christmas is temporarily put on hold in the Bradford house when the family's presents are stolen.... a two-part episode!

Note: synopses taken from Wikipedia and IMdB