Why Easter Gets the Shaft

Hope everybody has an enjoyable holiday. It's certainly not a flashy holiday like Halloween and Christmas, but my younger kids still love the egg hunt and getting candy.  So, I'm planning on having a good time.

I have one question: There's horror movies for every single holdiay but Easter. Why?  If there can be a New Years Evil and a Mother's Day, there should be an Easter horror flick somewhere out there, right?

Come to think of it, there weren't many Easter episodes on TV either...

It would seem that Easter is the red-headed step-child. Look up "Easter" in the dictionary and it says "Not as good as Christmas". Why? It's not because the religious context is too strong, because Christmas is by far the biggest holiday, and its very name is a religous statement. 

I think it has a lot to do with the lameness of the celebration. It's as if it was thought up by a kindergardner: a bunny rabbit gives kids chocolate. Only the underdeveloped mind of a 5 year old could come up with something like this.

The other holidays have cool celebrations: you get to dress up in costumes on Halloween, you exchange gifts with family on Christmas, you stuff yourself to death on Thanksgiving, and you get sloshed on New Year's. In stark contrast, on Easter you have to get all dressed up for church.... real fun. I have distinct memories of embarrassment regarding my 70s Easter garb.

Plus, the other holidays have cool mascots.  Who can resist the iconic Santa Claus? Something about this big bearded fat man captured our collective imagination. Halloween's dark side is also captivating - the attraction to the sinister and "things that go bump in the night" is as old as humanity itself. But a giant bunny rabbit? A former pagan symbol of fertility who brings chocolate? It's kind of disturbing, really. 

images via Groovy Age of Horror

Check out this site with tons of pictures of that grotesque creature - the man-sized Easter Bunny.

Of course, when the bunny is a girl, it goes from being scary as hell (ever seen Donnie Darko?) to sexy as hell.  The Playboy bunny is all the evidence you need that this is true.  Somehow, it wouldn't be the same if these chicks were dressed as dogs or chickens.

image source: vintagepbks.com

Hey, if Elvira can get into the Easter spirit, so can you.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

A happy St. Patty's day to everyone, especially all you Irish and Platic Paddies out there. I'm Italian, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a Guinness on tap when I can get it. The best Irish pub I've ever been to in the States would have to be O'Flaherty's down in the French Quarter. Sadly, Hurricane Katrina wiped it out, and it is no more.

For most Americans with no authentic Irish watering hole nearby, it's off to TGI Fridays or Chotchkie's to get shit faced on green beer. A worthy continuation of that great Celtic tradition in the States.

And on that note, enjoya few groovy St. Patty's images. Cheers!

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Retrospace Predictions for 2010

The beauty of a prediction is that when they inevitably don't come true, no one will remember you said it.  Who saves or rereads their magazines a year or so later? Almost nobody.... and so their failures go unnoticed, but they are quick to remind you of the ones they got correct..Well, I read old magazines - I read them thirty or forty years later and can see what a ridiculous racket this whole thing is. Here's a typical example (from 1967):

Grace Kelly stopped making movies for good in 1956. She started one in 1982 but died.... I wouldn't say this is a good prediction. Also, Frank Sinatra did have a son.... but he was born in 1944.  And worst of all - George Hamilton did not marry Lady Bird Johnson!

I'm especially fond of reading through Lillian Cosby's predictions in the 70's. Here's a few...

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Wow. These are real bad.  First of all, she's saying that, even though Nixon was impeached, he's still running things from the White House and will be back in the headlines. Wrong.

I guess she was right about Jimmy Walker. His entire career did change when he became unemployed a few years later.

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Predicting that Wallace would move into a national position would seem a safe bet - he'd been running for president since the 1960's.  A couple years after this prediction, Wallace tried again and lost. Prediction FAIL.

I don't get this Tony Bennett prediction. Is this some sort of veiled threat?

Many of you are familiar with the Criswell from Plan 9 from Outer Space, or at least Tim Burton's Ed Wood. Well, the world famous Criswell made a prediction I can get behind.... BOTTOMLESS!

Will insects rule the world? Read this article by clicking to enlarge or download.

And finally, did you know that 1956 will be year that changes the world? I mean, ALL FOUR of the greatest prophesies will come true this year! What prophecies, you ask? Just send your name and address and I'll send you a free pamphlet.

Happy New Year!

I wish everyone a Happy New Year! 2009 was a great year for Retrospace - the numbers of readers has grown significantly and I've learned a lot as well.

Somehow, I've managed to post nearly every single day for the past year. Some might marvel at this, and wonder if I have any sort of life whatsoever. Actually, I have a great life with four kids, a wonderful wife and a pretty good 8-5 job in a laboratory. Blogging doesn't take as much time as you might think. I typically don't start until after 9 PM and have settled into a routine of working on a post for an hour or two. It's actually very relaxing, and I've enjoyed every minute of it.

So, I hope the next year is good to all of you. Thanks for dropping by, and I hope you'll continue to pop in throughout the new year. Cheers!

While you're here, take a minute to enjoy a few vintage New Years images...

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And finally, this blog has a wonderful gallery of vintage New Years photographs. Enjoy!

The Retrospace Guide to a Happy Thanksgiving

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I'm all about family togetherness, so the last thing I want to do is sound like the Thanksgiving grinch. However, Turkey Day has never been one of my favorite holidays.  I want to like it, but at the end of the day I'm always stressed, bloated, bitter and suffering from a tension headache. It's nothing like the old advertisements...

I think the biggest problem is the expectations.  Know what you're getting into.  It's not going to look like a Norman Rockwell painting.  Quite the contrary. Sure, it's remotely possible you may be one of the lucky ones who has a Little House on the Prairie Thanksgiving each and every year, but for 99.999% of America the holiday mainly consists of uncomfortable moments and severe indigestion.  But as long as you don't have unrealistic expectations going in, you might have a good time after all.  So, let's take stock.

1. The Macy's Parade will become intolerable quickly. The Garfield balloon will not impress you.

2. The family gathering will be punctuated by awkward silences and uncomfortable comments.

3. At least one child will mortify their parents; this could very well be you this year, so be prepared.

4. Even if you are not on a diet, you will feel guilty and self conscious about how much you ate.

5. The bloated feeling will cause you to become irritable and drowsy; a bad combination when fraternizing with judgmental relatives who are also edgy.

Once you accept these facts, you are on your way to having a somewhat bearable or relatively pleasant Thanksgiving!

Read on to peruse through a small gallery of vintage "Ladies of Thanksgiving". Hopefully, it will add a little cheer to the holiday. Enjoy! 

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Happy Easter from Retrospace!

I hope everyone has a nice Easter weekend!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Thanksgiving 1977: A Stoner's Dream Comes True, A Dirty Susan Dey and the Honda Hobbit

“The marijuana looked like seaweed”

Florida potheads had a lot to be thankful for on Thanksgiving 1977 as 25 tons of marijuana washed up on San Fernandina Beach, Florida. As you can imagine, the beach was soon crawling with people eager to grab a little free weed (it was the '70s after all). Evidently, a boat carrying the cargo had exploded "sending tons of Colombian gold into the air, onto the beach and into the water." (source: here)

It was such a welcome and wonderful event for local stoners that a commemorative shirt was even made: "Thanksgiving 1977 - Fernandina Beach, Florida - 25 Tons," and sported a large marijuana leaf. (Click image on left to enlarge)

I wonder if any of the Florida stoners got high that night and turned on ABC to watch the awful Thanksgiving Reunion with the Partridge Family and My Three Sons on ABC. Susan Dey wasn't able to participate because she was on location for a movie. Suzanne Crough, the youngest Partridge daughter and tambourine player, was also absent since she was filming the crappy soon-to-be-cancelled TV show "Mulligan's Stew" (photo on right).

I watched the special and remember being not too excited to watch an awkward reunion of two cancelled TV shows. I wonder if Andy Warhol also watched it; his chronology says he watched TV that night.

What movie was Susan Dey filming, you ask, that made her miss the special? Well, if you had bought the People magazine on sale that week, you would have read that she was filming First Love with William Katt. People makes it sound almost like a porno. I've never actually seen it, but am skeptical it's as dirty as they made it sound.

Also, if you had bought that People magazine you would have seen an ad for an incredibly named moped: The Honda Hobbit.

"The Hobbit turns your everyday dull driving trips into bright happy Hobbit hops"
What can I say? It was the seventies.