After the trick-or-treating is done, it's time to dump out the sack and check your loot. Amid the piles of mini Mr. Goodbars and Tootsie Rolls, there was always a few stinkers. Here's a retrospace list of crappy Halloween candy.
1. wax lips
First of all, I don't like to eat candles. Second, you running around with a pair of fake lips is not my kind of funny. And speaking of eating pure wax - remember those wax soda bottles filled with a micro-liter of colored sugar water? No thanks.
2. black licorice
The slogan should be: The candy that tastes just like medicine!
The folks at Good-n-Plenty (AKA black licorice's bastard child) took the next logical step and formed the licorice into pill shapes.
3. candy corn
(AKA tri-colored crap)
Who would have thought that pure corn syrup could taste this bad? Obviously, many would disagree given that there's actually a candy corn flavored soda out there (I wouldn't go looking for this at your health food store).
4. pixie stix
I simply shouldn't have to work so hard for a few grains of sugar. Maybe I'm a bit slow, but I usually ended up consuming more sopping wet paper than sugar.
5. circus peanuts
I don't know what these vile Styrofoam-like pieces of alien matter are made of, but I am told they are supposed to be banana flavored. Suffice it to say, they are an abomination and should be considered a biohazard.
and the worst of all....
6. Necco wafers, or as I prefer to call them "slices of chalk".
I think it's only fair to point out that candy cigarettes were just as chalky. However, the "cool factor" associated with this candy elevated it to the trick-or-treat "good pile".
Just what kids want in their trick-or-treat bag - a box of cereal! I guess it's better than a box of raisins, which I would often get.
Of course, I'm older now and liable to get arrested for knocking on people's doors demanding treats. Now, nothing says October 31st like Budweiser.
By the way, I visited the imaginary world while creating this post and stumbled upon the long forgotten Marathon bar (ad here). Perhaps this would be a good idea for a future retrospace post - forgotten candy. Anyone remember the Bit-o-Honey?
1. wax lips
First of all, I don't like to eat candles. Second, you running around with a pair of fake lips is not my kind of funny. And speaking of eating pure wax - remember those wax soda bottles filled with a micro-liter of colored sugar water? No thanks.
2. black licoriceThe slogan should be: The candy that tastes just like medicine!
The folks at Good-n-Plenty (AKA black licorice's bastard child) took the next logical step and formed the licorice into pill shapes.
3. candy corn
(AKA tri-colored crap)
Who would have thought that pure corn syrup could taste this bad? Obviously, many would disagree given that there's actually a candy corn flavored soda out there (I wouldn't go looking for this at your health food store).
4. pixie stix
I simply shouldn't have to work so hard for a few grains of sugar. Maybe I'm a bit slow, but I usually ended up consuming more sopping wet paper than sugar.
5. circus peanuts
I don't know what these vile Styrofoam-like pieces of alien matter are made of, but I am told they are supposed to be banana flavored. Suffice it to say, they are an abomination and should be considered a biohazard.
and the worst of all....
6. Necco wafers, or as I prefer to call them "slices of chalk".
I think it's only fair to point out that candy cigarettes were just as chalky. However, the "cool factor" associated with this candy elevated it to the trick-or-treat "good pile".
Just what kids want in their trick-or-treat bag - a box of cereal! I guess it's better than a box of raisins, which I would often get.Of course, I'm older now and liable to get arrested for knocking on people's doors demanding treats. Now, nothing says October 31st like Budweiser.
By the way, I visited the imaginary world while creating this post and stumbled upon the long forgotten Marathon bar (ad here). Perhaps this would be a good idea for a future retrospace post - forgotten candy. Anyone remember the Bit-o-Honey?
