In the
previous "Spreading the Love" post, we followed the story of Wonder Woman up against The Bermuda Triangle. If you thought that one was
painfully awful good, you'll
really enjoy this one entitled "The Pied Piper". This is another one of my favorite
Wonder Woman episodes. Follow along, and you'll see why.
Right off the bat, you know this is going to be good - Martin Mull (!) is a rock star flautist called Hamlin Rule who's kind of like Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull, bringing down the house with his flute playing mojo.
And let me tell you, his act is unbelievably awful. What kind of rock concert features a guy with a flute and a green chick popping out of a wicker basket? I was embarrassed for everyone involved.
Meanwhile, the box office earnings were being stolen backstage.. It seems box office cash has a
habit of getting stolen during Hamlin performances. We don't know who's stealing the dough, but Diana is given the task of finding out.
The plot thickens when we learn that Joe's 19 year old daughter (
Joe is their boss, pictured above in the brown suit) is a Hamlin Rule groupie! She was a straight A student until she became obsessed with the rock 'n' roll pied piper. Now she's dropped out of UCLA.
And who plays Elaine, Joe's daughter? Sweet Lord! It's Eve Plumb!
Yes, Jan Brady is among the many groupies who hang around Hamlin's pad. He evidently weaves some sort of magical spell from his flute that can make his harem do his bidding. It seems Hamlin is having his
sex slaves groupies steal the box office earnings. Why would he steal his
own earnings? Because the concert owners still must pay him for his performance - thus, Hamlin is really getting paid twice. The bastard!
Now we learn Hamlin has a sweet spot for Elaine. He's selected her to be the next "snake girl" to jump out of a wicker basket at his upcoming concert, and Elaine is honored. More importantly, check out Martin Mull's getup! For chrissake, he looks like Evel Knievel!
Next, Diana takes a visit to Hamlin's recording studio, only to be hypnotized by the magic flute. Somehow, she winds up stuck in a strange barber's chair (?) and twirled around and around really fast. Evil villains always think of the most idiotic ways to kill the hero (a la Dr. Evil), but this may be the dumbest I've seen: a twirling barber's chair. Really?
Well, we all know what happens when Diana spins around rapidly. That's right. She turns into Wonder Woman. Giddy-up!
What ensues is a pretty good battle between the Amazon and Hamlin's henchman. They throw each other through walls and roll on the floor a lot. I can't help but think the director was fully aware why males of all ages were watching this show: Linda Carter bouncing around in costume.
Wonder Woman finally dispatches the henchman and recovers a set of secret plans conveniently stowed in his pants. She discovers that Hamlin is planning to raid the box office at his next gig. (Did we really need to find secret plans to know this was going to happen?)
This time the government will be waiting for them. Joe poses as the guardian of the safe, ready for the heist. Little does he know, it will be his daughter in charge of the operation!
The government's sting operation is a dismal failure. The groupie robbers, dressed in masks and leotards subdue Joe and take off with the money. By the time Wonder Woman shows up, it's too effing late.The safe has been cleaned out and the chicks are long gone.
Now the shit starts hitting the fan. Wonder Woman is tired of playing games. She busts into Hamlin's mansion to rescue Elaine who's in the process of being hypnotized by the flute.
Needless to say, Wonder Woman captures Hamlin... but what came next was rather surprising.
Hamlin tells Wonder Woman this sob story about being shafted by his agents and record companies. He was just trying to take back what they stole from
him. Unbelievably, Wonder Woman is sympathetic to his plight. The show ends with her saying he should write a song for charity to make up for it. What?!?
Anyway, I've enjoyed recounting another Wonder Woman episode. The cheesy plot, the awesome guest stars, the audacious costumes, and the lovely Linda Carter.... what's not to love? I have a feeling this won't be my last Wonder Woman post.
