When we last left Helm, he'd gone apeshit after being drugged by Francesca, ripping her clothes off then passing out cold. Fortunately for him, Sheila shows up and the tables are turned on Francesca.
If you'll recall, Sheila was supposed to be insane. She'd driven her top secret flying saucer into the jungles of Acapulco and been captured. Months later, the US government finds her wandering around the jungle, crazy as a shithouse rat. What happened? She seems in perfect control.
Francesca is also there, and she too wants to purchase the flying saucer.
However, Ortega reveals that neither Fez nor Francesca will get their precious UFO. The sick bastard is selling it to the Chinese! To add insult to injury, Ortega then sentences Helm to death by firing squad and wants to make Sheila his personal sex slave.
We quickly discover that Francesca is a pretty resourceful lady. While Helm is preparing to have his brains blown out, she puts some lipstick on Sheila (obviously, the same deadly trickery she used on Helm earlier).
Then, the tricktess, Francesca, finds her way to the hidden flying saucer, but is manhandled by that dirty Fez wearing asshole before she can get in.
Meanwhile, Helm is getting ready to die by firing squad. He asks for one last cigarette - little do they know the secret agent smoke acts as a laughing gas. Quintano, the firing squad leader and henchman, is reduced to tears and uncontrollable laughter.
Anyway, Sheila has drugged Ortega with her lipstick, and has him all hot and bothered aboard the UFO. Ah, but let's not forget that this flying saucer KILLS MEN!
In the climactic scene, Sheila is aboard the UFO which is like a runaway beer truck spiralling down a train track toward the edge of a cliff. However will she escape? My main man, Helm, puts Sheila on the back of his motorbike and send the UFO off the cliff where it explodes into a million pieces.
The movie's epilogue is perfect. Helm is making advances at a new ICE recruit with Martin's "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometimes" playing in the background. For some reason this chick just isn't in the mood. This simply doesn't happen! Has Helm lost his mojo?
Get it? If you don't, chances are you would hate this movie. For the rest of you who appreciate Dino's outlandishly cool persona, you will lap this movie up and beg for more. Personally, I admire the Rat Pack mentality: those ultra-cool hipsters who were constantly in pursuit of the fairer sex, and only asked for two things out of life - a stiff drink and a close shave.
The Ambushers is James Bond, Austin Powers, and Leslie Neilson all rolled up into one. But what sets it apart for me is Dino. I could watch him mow the yard and be glued to his every move. He was and will always be the very definition of cool. And never was he cooler than in The Ambushers.
